Comfortable Distance
I was blocked off for a while. I did not understand the concept, prior to being unable to have access normally granted to people who want to keep a "comfortable distance." I'm very passionate about things. I cannot see myself not "reacting" to circumstance that truly affect me, my children, family or friends for that matter. Although I have never been accused of actually violating a person's personal space (because I also insist that others also respect my right to some sort of privacy no matter how fictitious it may be, given that my life is in fact "an open book"), it seems that I did trancend the boundary of comfortable distance.
I apologize for that. I thought myself invincible and strong in the area of relationships. The truth is, I'm as vulnerable as I could ever remember. Maybe the only difference is, people I give access to my life no longer abuse my ignorance or maybe even stupidity to some extent.
This does not explain what happened though. It seems petty, but most misunderstandings and heartaches are caused not by major foul ups in a relationship, but the inability to correct and make sense of circumstance before giving it a finality. To count the number of times that I have said goodbye in whatever langauge, may seem hilarious; but to the recepient, it has always been an unpleasant experience. I thought that age would somehow mean maturity in this area, but unfortunately, petty quarrels are the outcomes of shallowness.
I seek to do more than simply explain that it was my fault and I'm so sorry for what I did. I had hoped that I would also be told that I am forgiven and I am given another chance to redeem myself and try making this relationship work again.
The thing is, I do not know where I stand in this matter. I am simply at bay, waiting for walls to crumble and be allowed total entry in the domain where there will be no need for a "comfortable distance".
I apologize for that. I thought myself invincible and strong in the area of relationships. The truth is, I'm as vulnerable as I could ever remember. Maybe the only difference is, people I give access to my life no longer abuse my ignorance or maybe even stupidity to some extent.
This does not explain what happened though. It seems petty, but most misunderstandings and heartaches are caused not by major foul ups in a relationship, but the inability to correct and make sense of circumstance before giving it a finality. To count the number of times that I have said goodbye in whatever langauge, may seem hilarious; but to the recepient, it has always been an unpleasant experience. I thought that age would somehow mean maturity in this area, but unfortunately, petty quarrels are the outcomes of shallowness.
I seek to do more than simply explain that it was my fault and I'm so sorry for what I did. I had hoped that I would also be told that I am forgiven and I am given another chance to redeem myself and try making this relationship work again.
The thing is, I do not know where I stand in this matter. I am simply at bay, waiting for walls to crumble and be allowed total entry in the domain where there will be no need for a "comfortable distance".
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