"Time Is the Enemy of Our Dreams"
When we think of eternity, it's unending, and time in eternity is insignificant. When we compare this to the here and now, time becomes a commodity, something that we cannot afford to lose, something that we need to spend wisely lest we squander unnecesarily and realize that we have no time left...
A wise friend told me a long time ago that "time is the enemy of our dreams". At that time, I really was not interested much in pursuing my dreams, except perhaps that if it involved having him with me much longer, then I would gladly pursue the same dreams with him.
I enjoyed every moment of our closeness and for sometime, created a most wonderful dream of love, friendship and family. I loved to have married him, spent the rest of our family life together and perhaps have kids of our own...
At that time however, my conviction about marrying a mature "Christian" who would lead us closer to the Lord was not to be compromised. I have not waited just to disobey the Lord and be considered "unequally yoked with an unbeliever". I was too hard on myself and believe me, the very thought of having to displease the Lord was out of the question.
He gave me a gift on graduation day - a partner to his own. Prior to that, I was already told of some things he was considering, some indications of what he wanted and hoped and of course, he shared that what he wore had a partner, which he intended to give to someone special.
Day of Graduation came, he congratulated me and shook my hand - or so I thought that was his intention. In his hand was the gift... I couldn't say anything else but : "Thank you." Then he was no longer beside me.
I opened my hand, and though I knew what it was, it still made me gasp to see the icon. I was chosen to be his partner... What we shared was something special to him too. And later on he would say: "I thought it was you..."
I cried. For almost a week I was depressed and did not really know how to take everything that was happening. I have loved him, even then... but that was not enough. My love for God and pleasing the Lord has been greater than anything else. Even a man like him was no match to the Maker of Heaven and Earth. It was a losing battle, even at the onset.
I prayed, fasted and pleaded to the Lord. I asked God : "Lord, if it is him, then let him understand why I am giving back his gift."
And so we met again and I returned the gift, along with a love letter, explaining why I did what I did. A few minutes later, I see him with a friend, smiling. He said : "Ang ganda ng love letter mo."
Of course, we continued to be friends, communicated quite sporadically, although there were many times of indifference and silence.
It has been more almost 10 years of courtship. He's home, he saw me once, I showed up once in his school and never saw each other again after that. He's busy, I'm busy and the couple of times he was here, I was where I thought he would be. It has been almost hilarious that the times he wanted to see me, I was actually attempting to see him.
I still think time is in God's hands. His timing is always perfect and even our mistakes can be redeemed and transformed. My friend still refuses to answer my emails because there have been too many miscommunication and disappointments. I don't blame him for wanting to just sort things out in person.
If you ask me what I think the ending would be? I hope that he was right and I was wrong... that it had always been me all along...and that the "mature Christian" I had hoped to marry someday has always been there, within my reach...
A wise friend told me a long time ago that "time is the enemy of our dreams". At that time, I really was not interested much in pursuing my dreams, except perhaps that if it involved having him with me much longer, then I would gladly pursue the same dreams with him.
I enjoyed every moment of our closeness and for sometime, created a most wonderful dream of love, friendship and family. I loved to have married him, spent the rest of our family life together and perhaps have kids of our own...
At that time however, my conviction about marrying a mature "Christian" who would lead us closer to the Lord was not to be compromised. I have not waited just to disobey the Lord and be considered "unequally yoked with an unbeliever". I was too hard on myself and believe me, the very thought of having to displease the Lord was out of the question.
He gave me a gift on graduation day - a partner to his own. Prior to that, I was already told of some things he was considering, some indications of what he wanted and hoped and of course, he shared that what he wore had a partner, which he intended to give to someone special.
Day of Graduation came, he congratulated me and shook my hand - or so I thought that was his intention. In his hand was the gift... I couldn't say anything else but : "Thank you." Then he was no longer beside me.
I opened my hand, and though I knew what it was, it still made me gasp to see the icon. I was chosen to be his partner... What we shared was something special to him too. And later on he would say: "I thought it was you..."
I cried. For almost a week I was depressed and did not really know how to take everything that was happening. I have loved him, even then... but that was not enough. My love for God and pleasing the Lord has been greater than anything else. Even a man like him was no match to the Maker of Heaven and Earth. It was a losing battle, even at the onset.
I prayed, fasted and pleaded to the Lord. I asked God : "Lord, if it is him, then let him understand why I am giving back his gift."
And so we met again and I returned the gift, along with a love letter, explaining why I did what I did. A few minutes later, I see him with a friend, smiling. He said : "Ang ganda ng love letter mo."
Of course, we continued to be friends, communicated quite sporadically, although there were many times of indifference and silence.
It has been more almost 10 years of courtship. He's home, he saw me once, I showed up once in his school and never saw each other again after that. He's busy, I'm busy and the couple of times he was here, I was where I thought he would be. It has been almost hilarious that the times he wanted to see me, I was actually attempting to see him.
I still think time is in God's hands. His timing is always perfect and even our mistakes can be redeemed and transformed. My friend still refuses to answer my emails because there have been too many miscommunication and disappointments. I don't blame him for wanting to just sort things out in person.
If you ask me what I think the ending would be? I hope that he was right and I was wrong... that it had always been me all along...and that the "mature Christian" I had hoped to marry someday has always been there, within my reach...
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